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Alt 28.01.2002, 18:32  #21
Pacifica
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THESE FOLKS ARE AMONG US !!!!!


Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened..... MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IDIOTS AT WORK...
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IDIOTS & COMPUTERS... My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE: I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."
__________________
Pacifica
Erfolg ist die Fähigkeit, von einem Mißerfolg zum anderen zu gehen,
ohne seine Begeisterung zu verlieren.
(Winston Churchill)
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Alt 28.01.2002, 20:20  #22
Ramto
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The very last sentence I can`t underline. I use to notice almost every day that "stupids" are living better!...
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Alt 29.01.2002, 15:48  #23
femme_fatale
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies", he responded.
"Oh ! Killing any ? she asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 females", he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?" He responded :
"3 were on the beer can, 2 were on the phone".
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femme fatale
Nur die Liebe vermehrt sich, wenn man sie teilt.

Zuletzt bearbeitet von femme_fatale, 31.01.2002 um 13:48.
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Alt 29.01.2002, 19:04  #24
Ramto
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County General Psychiatric Hospital
"Hey, didn't anyone tell you that the
sex maniacs and the nymphomaniacs
have different hours to go out?"
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Alt 31.01.2002, 13:48  #25
femme_fatale
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A man had great tickets for the FA Cup Final. As he sat down, another man came along and asked if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"

He says, "Well actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me but she passed away. This is the first FA Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh.......I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour - to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."
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femme fatale
Nur die Liebe vermehrt sich, wenn man sie teilt.
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Alt 31.01.2002, 14:03  #26
Pacifica
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Dabei seit: 16 Sep 2001
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SPITZE, Ramto und Femmi ... ich habe Tränen gelacht!
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Pacifica
Erfolg ist die Fähigkeit, von einem Mißerfolg zum anderen zu gehen,
ohne seine Begeisterung zu verlieren.
(Winston Churchill)
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Alt 31.01.2002, 15:18  #27
Ramto
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@ Paci: This one just for you:

God And Eve

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a
problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and
all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm
just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man', Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous
ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all,
he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster and more muscular
than you. He'll also need your advice to think properly. He'll be really
good at fighting and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed ruminants,
and not altogether bad in the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well... he's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But,
you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
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Alt 31.01.2002, 19:58  #28
Pacifica
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... aber ein klitzekleines bisschen ist er auch für Femmi, gell?

__________________
Pacifica
Erfolg ist die Fähigkeit, von einem Mißerfolg zum anderen zu gehen,
ohne seine Begeisterung zu verlieren.
(Winston Churchill)
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Alt 31.01.2002, 20:07  #29
StJohnSmith
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Wrong Present

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note : romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstorm and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the note :

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love"

"PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."


Best regards StJohn
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Alt 31.01.2002, 20:53  #30
Pacifica
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Eine entzückende Verwechslung, Johnny!

.
__________________
Pacifica
Erfolg ist die Fähigkeit, von einem Mißerfolg zum anderen zu gehen,
ohne seine Begeisterung zu verlieren.
(Winston Churchill)
Für Inhalt und Rechtmäßigkeit dieses Beitrags trägt der Verfasser Pacifica die alleinige Verantwortung. (s. Haftungshinweis)
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